Friday, January 30, 2009

Grover: Part Deux

He panted, tongue waggling, waiting patiently for the inevitable.

And the inevitable finally came.  Although not in quite the way that Beeblezerblak (for as everyone knows, the names the humans give to dogs was rarely the name they gave themselves.  And "Grover" was no ordinary dog) had expected. There was, indeed, a squeal of rubber, a violent swerving motion, and the few breathtaking seconds that Beeblezerblak prayed for, where the car would crumple, the passenger inside would be hurled against the window and, if all went well, a human soul would flee the body.  

Because, all Beeblezerblak needed was a body.  He had been trapped inside this dog's body for long enough.  And there was no way, NO WAY, to achieve his dreams of world domination in a Jack Russell terrier frame.  They didn't even have thumbs, for Christ's sake.  And how could he make the masses tremble in terror without thumbs?  He could never make anyone tremble in terror.  The most he ever achieved was a shake of slight annoyance.  But his dreams were stronger than that...dreams that had begun over fifty years earlier...he could still remember  his first day on earth like it was yesterday. 

Th ship bumped gently into the shore of the lake, wavered once and then steadied itself.  All was silence except the gentle lapping of waves against this foreign body and a faint electric whine.  A door appeared in the side of the ship and two figures slowly eeped out.  For eeping was the only way they could be described to move.  It was not walking, no.  It was smoother than that.  But gliding implies that the figures moved in a graceful, floating manner.  And this was certainly not floating.  They eeped, sluglike through the door, adjusted their bubble-helmets and peered out into the new world.  It was noon.  The sun shone brightly on the shores of the secluded mountain lake.  It was not tourist season.  There was no human around to witness this miraculous ship and the two figures that eeped out of it towards the shore.  And the ship was miraculous, shaped almost exactly like a beanbag chair that has been sat in so many times it retains the shape of something resembling a chair.  But, like a chair, there was also the impression that, if poked or prodded, the ship would change shape and retain that too.  
The figures reached the shore and procured from somewhere on their bodies an instrument that immediately started whistling.  Like a bird.  A Baltimore Oriole to be precise.  There were no bird watchers around, either, for they would have known immediately that Baltimore Orioles belong in Baltimore, not high in the mountains of Montana.  But the instrument chirped and whistled, apparently transferring some sort of important information, because the figures seemed satisfied and removed their helmets.  

If anyone were around, they would have screamed.  

The faces were remarkably human. So much so, in fact that the incongruity of the features was alarming.  A human shaped head, bearing human-like hair with human like ears, atop a snail like body which eeped along.  But the face...Oh the face...

There was no face.  Were there should have been a face there was nothing.  No features at all.  No eyes or ears or noses.  Instead there was a blank canvas.  No.  Not blank.  It vibrated slightly, seeming more like static, white noise.  And yet, they seemed pleased.  The figure to the rear pulled something out of its pocket and unfurled it.  A flag vibrating with the same strange static that filled what should have been their faces.  It chirped to the other one.  

If anyone would have spoken their language, they would have heard the following.  "After years of searching for a home, free from the persecution of the High Command on our native planet, we have finally found a place where we can be free to live and love and worship in peace.  By the power vested in me by The Nine Sacred Waters, this land, all that I see and have not seen yet, I claim in the name of The Zemaphorious and our high priest, Beeblezerblak. All HAIL BEEBLEZERBLAK".  

The first figure bowed modestly and returned to the ship.  The flag was planted.  The planter was promptly eaten by a bear.

So long ago.  And so many trials since then.  So much still to understand.  But they would love him, when he ruled.  Oh yes, all the humans and the animals would love him.  All he needed was an out of this infernally cute body.  And when he ruled, on that glorious day, every last bear would be executed.  Immediately.  

The Ekharts watched the dog from the front porch.  "Awww.  Isn't he cute?  It almost seems like he's smiling".  Mr. Ekhart humored his wife, "Yes dear, almost".

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